"Why do you always worry Momma?"
Yes why indeed my Boo child, why indeed. For those of you who have not known Boo very long ... Boo is sensitive... competitive... and hates to be noticed... commented on... or heaven forbid, laughed at. Even if she tells a joke, too much laughter leaves her in tears and with hurt feelings.
She also cannot stand coming in second place. She expects a lot from herself... much more than the world expects of her... and her feelings are crushed when she does not live up to her own expectations.
So today, we went swimming at the pool (yesterday we swam on the lake, jumping off a boat). Boo had a great time playing with her sibs on the boat and her best friend Spud (Spud's parents own the boat).
Today, Spud was jumping off the diving board... Boo's other friend Mimi was jumping off the board... but Boo couldn't. Boo had not taken the ever dreaded swimming test. You have to swim a length and back, on your belly, hand over head (no doggy paddle), then tread water for 60 seconds.
Boo and I practiced and practiced. She did the entire test four times with me. But she refused to take the test for the lifeguard. She was almost crying in fear. I assumed she was afraid she would fail the test, but should have known it went much deeper than just a fear of failure. She was afraid someone, anyone, would watch her and laugh. Boo's first full sentence as a baby was, "Don't Laugh at ME". And she has been screaming this same phrase ever since....
"Momma, what if I do it and they laugh at me and say, "good job Boo". I don't want anyone watching me and laughing at me". Boo still doesn't comprehend that smiles and laughter are two different things.
"Momma, what if I do it and they clap. I don't like people looking or clapping at me"
"Momma, what if they all yell 'Go Boo Go'; I don't want anyone cheering me"
"Momma, what if I mess up and they all laugh"
"Momma what if I accidentally touch the rope and I fail the test? I don't like to lose".
"Momma maybe I should wait a while. I can just jump off the boat, not the diving board"
"Momma can I take the test after everyone else leaves the pool"
Finally she said, "Momma I would do it if I was sure no one was watching".
The next break, I told her to look around because no one is looking at the pool. People are in line for snacks... boys are chasing girls.... kids are in the parking lot skateboarding... but no one is watching the pool.
I ask the lifeguards if she can practice once or twice with me during break. They say yes. She does it three times, no problem. And she is thrilled no one is watching... not one person said a word or screamed anything. Everyone was very absorbed with their own friends and family and no one was watching the very concerned little girl preparing for her test.
The sweet lifeguard takes her and gives her the test. She passes the treading water with no problem at all. Piece of cake. Then the big, all the way across the pool and back test. Her sibs notice and do scream her name a bit. A few people do cheer her on. The lifeguard is amazed how much better she is swimming since last summer, and I smile at her and agree, while silently hoping Boo does not see us talking and smiling about her.... And she does it!!!! She passes the test. Her strokes were so perfect. She breezed across and back as if it were nothing.... nothing at all.
She gets out, doesn't pause before saying, "Momma, why do you worry about these things so much. It was no big deal at all".
Yes world, why does Momma worry.... hmmmm... I don't actually remember being worried at all. I thought I was the one trying to get her to stop worrying... Silly me.
Her second comment.... "You owe me two five dollar bills please... and a pair of goggles". Both things I had offered her if she would just try to take the test.
As soon as break was over, Boo practically ran to the diving board and jumped off... no pause... no hesitation... no fear.... just pure pride in finally being one of the "approved for deep end" clan members. She did it so fast, I didn't even get a picture.
I tried to video the test but the camera failed. Doesn't it figure? But here is a video taken of her third jump. Just check out the natural hip motion on this girl, the muscles on her legs and arms.
She got in a good 20 jumps off the diving board before we left to go home. Her swimming just kept improving with each jump. She then surprised me further by teaching herself to swim underwater. What a little fish she is becoming.
Now if only she could just get her silly Momma to quit worrying over things that are really no problem at all.....
Smiling with pride as my last child pass her swim exam.... Been There... Done that, somehow managing not to cry this time... as Boo said, "It wasn't a big deal".... but somehow, to Mrs. Mommy, it was. My little one faced her fear of being watched, being cheered, and especially of failing before her friends.... So even though I know she hates being cheered on... I can't help but scream to the web... "Go Boo Go"
