Asian Festival

We attended the Asian festival in Columbus Ohio this past weekend. We stayed in a hotel, met up with other families who used the same agency we used to adopt from Vietnam, and had a pretty good time just goofing.

The kids had a great time with only a couple of break downs.... truly not that bad at all.

Saddest thing.... not getting to watch all the great shows. We watched one short performance, some martial arts, saw the lion/dragon parade.... but missed all the other great shows. There are so many, it is impossible to see them all and visit too.

Next Saddest thing - Not getting to all the shopping booths.... and still spending too much money. Not enough time, not enough money. Too much talking and gawking at the pretty kids I have heard so much about.... not enough time shopping.....

Best thing.... Friends. Watching my daughter hold hands with a friend she has not seen in a long time. Watching my husband carrying my friends baby.... Watching my older kids go gaa gaa over the babies.... remembering how they were once gaa gaa over their own baby sister and the foster baby we lost....

Next Best Thing - Listening to two little 5 years olds, in a stroller at the zoo.... laughing their heads off at their own made up games. We have no clue what they were playing, but the laughter was unreal.

Next Saddest thing - watching two balloons fly away accidentally, and two girls boo hoo faces as they grieved those balloons.

Most Thankful thing - that both girls forgot we promised to buy them balloons at the zoo to replace those we parents set free.... on accident... because the zoo didn't have balloons!!! No kidding.... No Balloons.

The Real Most Thankful thing - That all our kids had a great time. That we all had safe travel... even the friend who drove 8 hours with two small children.... And no one was hurt.... No stitches... no hospital visits.... just a great time

And a special thanks - To God for perfect weather.... prior years have been hot and miserable. This year.... cooler, sunny.... just perfect for kids to have fun in the sun....

Here is a video clip of the lion/dragon parade. I thought these people did an excellent job.

911 calls....

OK a family of 8 is bound to make a few 911 calls, right???? Well our kids have... we parents have not.... here are our famous 911 calls....

1. Phone rings.... this is the 911 operator and we just got a call from this residence. Is everything OK.

Of course it is... we didn't call.

Mamm a child called. Can you check on your children?

Of course I can, but they are all asleep.

One of them isn't.

But they don't have phones in their rooms, they couldn't have called.

One of them did Mamm.

I go back to their rooms... all but one sound asleep. And there sits my adorable 3 year old, who just had a b-day party at McDonald's that very day.... with all her toys... including what I had thought was a toy phone. It wasn't. It was real. And that incredibly smart little three year old had not only opened the box, she had figured out how to plug it in!!! And of course, how to push the huge 911 buttons.... little darling... good thing her preschool didn't teach her how to dial internationally!!! Now really, who buys a 3 year old a real phone that looks fake....

2. The phone rings.... "This is the 911 operator and we received a call from this residence, is everyone OK". This time I don't argue, I start hunting kids and phones.... I find the phone...no kid. Two are outside playing, two are asleep, one was with me when the call was made.... hmmm... sleepers or players... who was tricking Mom. It was easy enough to figure out... I simply said, "Oh Ducky, too bad Blonde and Spanky are still asleep, I wanted them to help me make cookies". Spanky sat up and said, "me help Mommy, Me help". Me go to the corner Spanky... Me go to the corner... you little possum player.

and my all time favorite....

3. The doorbell rings.... I answer the door. The officer seems stunned to see me. He states, "Mamm, when did you arrive home". I answer, "just a few minutes ago". He says, "Mamm are you just arriving home from work". I answer "Yes, is that important". He says, "It depends Mamm, on how old your children are that you left alone". I respond, very confused, "Sir, my children were not left alone, their father was and is here". He now looks confused and asks me to hold as he calls the station. He then hands me the phone and I listen to my older two boys, "Is this 911, I need help. My mom is going to be home soon and our chores are not done. My brother won't help me and my Mom is going to be real mad". Other son, "I am not helping because he didn't help me with my chores and he messed my room back up after I cleaned it just because I wouldn't help him clean his dump of a room". Other son takes phone back. "You gotta make him help or it will be real bad when Mom gets here... I am serious.... it will be real bad".

I call my husband in... have him listen to the call.... the officer is laughing out loud now. I think his whole station is laughing now. My husband had no clue the kids were fighting or that they had called 911.... It was college basketball playoffs.... Somehow the officer understood his being physically present... but mentally elsewhere.

Now the same officer was ready to throw the book at me, when he thought I left my two kids unsupervised... or should I say physically unsupervised. But leaving them with a Dad who can 100% tune them out for a basketball game... that was understandable.... Yes it was a man cop!!!

Experience with 911.... been there... still got one more to do that with....

Just when you think Psycho Mom has done it all....

She does something completely unexpected.... Truly I love doing the unexpected....

Picture a big bus van driving down the highway with 6 kids and 4 adults, including two college kids, one from Vietnam, one from Pappa New Guinea.

Picture one mouthy Ducky and screaching Blonde in the back row, trying their best to kill each other with the volume of their voice alone. Every now and then, Spanky joining in just for fun.

Picture Mrs. Mommy in the front passenger seat, trying to quiet the back row, without causing permenant deafness in our college boys ears (they were sitting right behind me, with little Boo in her car seat between them).

Then things start flying. Teen kids in middle row are getting hit with shoes, books and everything else Blonde and Ducky can get their hands on.

Picture Mrs. Mommy screaming that if they don't stop, she is going to make them stop.... Picture mouthy Ducky responding "I would like to see you try". I guess he thought he was safe... all the way in the back... with so many people, including grownup college boys... between him and me.

Picture all 200+ lbs of Mrs. Mommy flying over Boo, knocking college boys up against the windows on either side of the van, second row of kids moved quicker and experienced less window smashing damage.... and Mrs. Mommy lands right smack dab between two terrified kids.

Mrs. Mommy takes Ducky's face between her hands... looks into his terrorized eyes... and says, "Oh son, I am here, right here... to make you behave. Everytime you so much as breath wrong, I will punish you. I will kiss your whole face in front of everyone in this van". And I did.

The college boys laughed. The rest of the kids teased him horribly....

And my husband, Mr Daddy was not impressed. He made me promise to never dive over the seats again.... something about what he saw in the rear view mirror scaring him so bad he feared death was near.... or maybe he wished death were near... or wished he would wake up from the nightmare....

OK it's big... but I am not sure it is THAT big. It is not the stuff nightmares are made of.... I don't think...

Not sure what my college boys thought... or my teens in the second row.... but the three in the back row... they really wished I had not squeezed my big hips between them.... Oh and I made myself real, real, comfy. I had to swish my hips more than a few times to make good and sure I was comfy. Had there been a wreck, I can pretty much guarantee, none of us four were going anywhere.... we were snug as bugs in a rug....

Oh diving over van seats.... big bottom and all.... been there... done that. To be honest... I don't plan on doing again.... Not because of Mr. Daddy's nightmare or healthy, but out of pure fear. At somepoint, while flying over the seats, I realized that if I got stuck.... well now that would have been one difficult 911 call.... Yeah... not planning to do it again. Still.... Ducky is one mouthy boy.... can't promise anything.

Water Guns, not just for Children Anymore

OK since I started this story in my last post... I am going to finish it here. Way, Way, Way back when... we had a b-day party. It was late April and we had combined three of our son's b-days into one big party. All the cousins were there. Somehow, they ended up with about sixteen of those huge water guns. Those mega things that hold about 100 gals of water each. It was a cold late April day. Probably in the 50's, maybe low 60's.... too cold for water. But the week before had been soooo hot, in the 80's. The kids had summer fever big time. Those water guns looked so fun.

Of course all the kids begged and begged to play with those stupid guns. We held firm... it was too cold, no guns. The kids went out front and moaned and groaned..... Did I mention we were still foster parents to a couple of the kids though we had adopted most at this point. So we had to tow the line. Anything we did that might be wrong, we had to report....

After 20 minutes of kids crying in the front yard... my brothers looked at me questioningly, with a hint of smile... I smiled at them... and we grabbed those stinking guns. All the adults went out the back door, filled the water guns with a garden hose, syncranized our watches and slowly went around the house and circled the crying kids. At the signal, we all attacked. It was hilarious. Kids went from crying to screaming in joy and running from us parents all at the same time. The older ones tackled us, stole the guns and began spraying us.... We being the smart grown ups, ran indoors. We let them attack each other for a good 15 mins, then brought them in, dried them off, and changed their clothes. If only I could have bottled some of that laughter and excitement.... it was one of those times doing the wrong thing, just seemed to be doing the right thing.

Later I called our case worker and told her what we had done, expecting a hand smacking for drenching kids when it was not warm enough outside. Instead.... she laughed and laughed and said it was perfect. She used it as a training example of how parents should do the unexpected with foster children. She retired a few years ago, but prior to her retirement, I think she used a good 5 or 6 examples of our kids and our strange parenting. For many years, she had me come in and talk to new foster parents.... give them the real low down. I still remember my first visit, when she introduced me, one of the families asked if I was "THE REAL MRS. MOMMY". When I said yes, I was bombarded with "Did you really do this" and "Did you really do that"..... Ahhhhh... yes.... I guess I did....

And yes, attacking my crying children with water guns, after forbidding them to play in the water, when it was definately too cold outside.... yes I have been there..... done that.... and honestly, I agree with my case worker, parents need to do the unexpected more often...

Let him walk......

Sometimes we Mom's snap. It is amazing, the amount of stress we can handle... how far we can stretch... then bam, boom, bash.... we snap.

Per my previous post, we had two extra kids most of this week. Last night, hubbie wanted to watch some sports thing on TV. We only have one TV and it is old, small, non HD. To be a nice wife, I decided to take all 8 kids to a discount movie, giving Dad a break. The older boys wanted to stay and watch the game, so I ended up with only six kids ages 5-13.


We live in a private, gated community, and before we managed to drive to the exit gates, Ducky had thrown a tantrum because he wanted candy at the movie. I had said NO candy, just shared popcorn/pop. He screamed that he would get Candy. I said NO and to stop the yelling. He screamed louder that he would get candy. I tried, I honestly tried to explain that I had extra kids, a husband who is currently laid off work, and very limited funds. He kept screaming he would get candy. Of course five other pair of eyes watched, hoping the battle would end with Candy for all....


I finally told him if he screamed one more time, I would take him back to Dad. He smiled, the little creep actually smiled before saying, "If you do you will be late for the movie, so I really don't think you will drive me back".


I stopped the car and parked at the mailboxes, right by the exit gate, and said, "You are right son, it wouldn't be fair to make everyone else late. I won't drive you home, you can get out and walk home".

Now before I get labeled a child neglector, he walks home from a friends house, right by the mailboxes, everyday. Then again, he gets bruised up jumping off the roof, playing ball with friends, ramping the creek, crashing his bike, falling out of trees... but let a parent leave a pink hand print on a little bottom and bam... arrest warrant. (Thus we don't spank, not because we believe it is wrong, but because we would rather go to jail for something more spectacular). So maybe him walking home for pleasure is OK legally, but walking home because he was disrupting my ability to drive the van... illegal. Who knows these days. The logic of our judicial system constantly stuns me. I actually read where a 5 year old was prosecuted for smacking another 5 years olds rump on the playground. YIKES... my 5 year old thinks that is hillarious and smacks rumps all the time. Completely non-sexually. Now we have had to sit her down and explain that it is now a NO NO. Aghhhh..... OK back to kicking son out of van....

Regardless of whether it was right or wrong, good or bad parenting, I felt so guilty, driving off, him screaming he was sorry.... and looking lost by the mailboxes... that I called Daddy and asked him to pick him up. Before he could make it there, my best friend saw him and gave him a ride. I saw her in my rearview mirror, stopping by my lost, crying son. (OK so I really stopped outside the gate and waited for my husband. I truly didn't like driving off and leaving him. So what if I am a whimp Mom. He didn't know I watched!!! I told the other kids I was looking for something in my purse so even they didn't know why I stopped. Why do I still hear laughter and whimpy Mom being chanted around the world....).

I called Dad, who was already on his way... and had him turn back around. And I resumed my drive with the other five kids. The movie was great, the other kids were great.... Not sure what our guest kids think about a Mom who stops and kicks a misbehaving almost 12 year old out of the van... but boy did those kids behave for me!!!!

I know we have to worry about bad people hurting our kids... but I wonder... do we hurt our kids by allowing them to prey on our fears? By allowing them to take control? Do we sometimes need to throw that recorder out the window (prior post)? Do we sometimes need to drench them in water even if it is a cold day in April (future post, watch for "water guns, not just for kids")? Do we sometimes need to stop the car and let them walk? My parents raised us this way.... when we challenged them, we lost. When we asked and were polite/kind... sometimes we won... sometimes we lost... but at least we had a chance by being polite/kind.

So yes I still feel bad that the little stinder didn't get to see the movie, because we truly don't get to waste money this way often.... but looking back, I truly believe, the best thing for my son.... was to let him walk (or in this case, ride with a neighbor, but miss the movie).

Kicking a kid out of the van.... been there.... done that... hope I don't have to do it again.

Why bloggers stop blogging....

Yes I vanished... I tried to blog, really I did... but never could find time to finish my thoughts, much less jot them down for future reference. Anyway, here are my excuses for vanishing...

1. Garage roof leaking - required tearing out ceiling drywall to try to find the leak... still not found... we see the water flowing but cannot find where it originates... YUK. Problem is, none of us know how to repair drywall. Guess we will learn... once we learn how to fix a leaky roof... which none of us know how to do either. Did I mention Teen 1 gave it a shot. Great hole he cut. (actually Dad told him to cut a whole beneath the main leak). Problem is, he cut the hole, then said... oh beneath the leak... I thought you meant where the most water was gushing out....We are due a rain tonight so Dad will find the source... then mold check...

2. Dog nipped at a child.... trying to decide whether to keep him muzzled, find him a new home.... ban all kids other than our own from our house. He really doesn't like one child and we cannot figure out why. He is very good with all other kids. We have never seen the kid be mean to him... and we love this pooch. Look at this doodleishous face, all freshly groomed.

3. Drove 6 hours to honor my Mom who very much deserves to be honored and deserves a post of her own one day!!!

4. Took kids to b-day party at Great Wolf Lodge Waterpark - How incredibly awesome this day was... can't wait to go back again.

5. Ducky expelled from school - long story I won't get into but truly, just another day in our families life. Anyway, great principal who really worked with me which is rare, and very appreciated.

6. Take Ducky to therapist (5 hour round trip drive) to discuss his expulsion from school.

7. Ortho appts for 5 kids (yes another long 5 hour round trip)

Note : We moved. Ortho for 5 kids already paid for in our old city. Can't afford another 25,000 for new ortho here... so we drive back every 4-6 weeks for adjustments on all kids. Therapists... it took our kids a good year to trust their individual therapists enought for progress to be made. rather than lose that progress...we drive back twice a month for therapy. Lovely... with gas as high as it is... what we do for our kids....

8. Still trying to make bread... last two loaves were almost good... almost

9. Was rear-ended at a traffic light. What a pain.... poor lady who hit me, I feel so sorry for her. But now I have to deal with being one vehicle short, getting appraisals, dealing with insurance... all that junk. And of course it was the only vehicle big enough for our entire family to ride in one vehicle.

10. Caring for friends kids... friend of husband needs us to watch his two boys since his wife is giving birth, hopefully tomorrow. So we are up two kids. Just for a week and thank goodness they are good kids... and our nippy dog likes them so praying for no nips this week.

11. Dog grooming and vet trip - he went from shaggy to sleek in an hour. What a transformation. Vet - normal yearly boosters plus a kennel cough since we may be boarding him next weekend. Aghhh....

12. Gardening - helping kids put out two, yes two, small gardens. weeding flower beds. Cleaning yard. Clearing brush from greenspace. I know it isn't much yet and needs another go with the tiller, but soon, a garden it will be.

13. Collecting brush for upcoming bonfire. We had a lot of trees fall in our woods this winter. We gather them up and sometime this summer, will burn them and roast marshmellows, cook those little campfire pies.... lots of fun.

14. Trying to cook from scratch and trying to build up my stockpile of base foods/ingrediants.

15. Homework, homework, homework

16. This should be housekeeping... but I skipped the housekeeping to write this blog update.

And those are my reasons for not blogging any in the past week. You notice laundry and the dreaded sock matching are not on the list... nope, they are not done. Thank goodness for a big laundry room.

Did I mention Grandparents due for a visit on Sunday... for a week... with two extra kids... for a week... hmmmm... maybe I better hit the housekeeping. If I don't, MIL will once she gets here and I do want her to relax and enjoy her grandbabies. So off to sweep, mop and load a washer... just for starters.... Oops.... need to do bedclothes too.... OK really leaving now.

Getting lost in the list of dones versus to-do's.... been there.... still there.... trying to "done that".

Tarzan and Jane, who needs a fancy swing...

Check out the neighbor kids, a new girl to the neighborhood, and Boo on a vine hanging from one of our trees. They boys have a fancy swing and tree house... but love to swing like Tarzan. Go figure.

I love living in Mayberry.... kids play outside, like kids... Yes we may get stitches now and then... but look at the fun they have.

Letting Kids enjoy simple fun.... been there... doing that....

What I wonder... was this two boys trying to win the attention of pretty girl.... Seriously, I watched for about an hour before filming this.... It was constantly... Mrs. Mommy, who swings higher... whose swing is better... who has better form... overall who is better? Meanwile pretty girl just stands and watch, never giving away who she is interested in.... Then it was on to the trampoline to see who could do the biggest, highest flips... while pretty girl watched.

And while Mrs. Mommy sat on her deck, enjoying summer, and wondering... just how much will the lawsuit be..... when one of those boys goes too far impressing pretty girl? Do people in Mayberry sue? Oh well, no use worrying about it when I could be enjoying the gentle summer breeze and the sounds of kids playing.

You are too old to play in the sandbox when you are..... 100ish...

Check out this pic of Ducky and his friend. The sandbox belongs to Boo. But somehow, we cannot seem to keep the older kids in the neighborhood out of the sandbox. Where was Boo while they were creating this masterpiece... playing football with the boys friends of course... Where else would an almost six year old be?

Wondering what to get your teens and pre-teens for a b-day gift.... forget the expensive electronics and four wheelers.... get them a sandbox.

Playing in a sandbox.... been there, done that... hey I am not 100 yet...

6-8 cups whole wheat... what is so hard about that you ask...

I want to move our family to whole foods. (No processed foods or very limited amounts at best). Now some may say we are nuts and maybe we are. But my husband has high BP/Cholesteral and the meds were causing bad side effects. So he was told to change his diet and exercise more. A friend said she lowered hers by moving to raw milk than eliminating processed foods. Her kids skin problems cleared up (we have one with severe dry skin). Her kids ADHD calmed. (We have 2 ADHD, and probably 3 others just AD - but non on meds, we just live with the wildness). Anyway, we felt it was worth a try.


So far, we have moved to raw milk (yes I have read the government's opinion as well as the raw-milk's side and am pretty confident we made the best choice going raw)... fresh from the cow, non-pasturized, non-homoginized. So far, the family loves it. We also moved to cheese made from raw milk. Now the kids are having trouble identifying the cheese. You see, all cheese is naturally white. They add things to make the colors change. Colby, swiss, cheddar, they all look the same pretty much. The kids miss their orange die in their cheese. They are dealing with it. Mac and cheese looks so funny all white... We do eggs from free range, organic feed, chickens. I found a great source of organic fed (most are organic, but you have to read, some are not from organic farms but farms still trying to get accredited organic), non antibiotic, non steroid bacon and most other beefs. I also buy beef from my dairy farmer. Raw Honey harvested close to where we live so we get the full benefits for our alergies. Maple Syrup that is so yummy I wonder why we ever ate processed syrups. We drink real lemonaide sweetened with non-processed sweateners (means no typical sugar, white or brown).


I now have a cubbard filled with various nut and fruit oils as well as extra virgin olive oil. I also have lard. No more Canola oil after my stockpile is finished.





I have two huge plastic bins filled with various organic flours, spices, sweateners as well as a ton of cannisters and a need for many more. (what happened to a kitchen only using 4 cannisters). Still need canisters for my various teas and coffees.




I bought a Bosch kitchen aid. It is suppose to greatly reduce the time needed to make bread. I also bought the dicer/slicer/food processor/blender attachments. Makes great smoothies and shakes. Made some great salsa... mmmm... Hoping to use it this summer to can things... Kids like the frech fries it cuts up in seconds.

Our dairy is now 90% non-processed. Our sugars are about 75% non-processed. Our frying is all healthy oils (and I am searching for a good quality, cheap, stainless steal, waterless cookware set). I thought we were doing really well at these things, adjusted much quicker than I anticipated, so I moved our family to the next level... grains.

And here is where I have floundered. I can't make bread. I am trying again right now. My bread is on it's third rise while I key in this post. The woman who posted this recipe on the interent claims it is the lightest, best, whole wheat bread she has ever tasted. I want a bread that is easy to cut for french toast, toast, grilled cheese....

My first try, a simple recipe from a good friend, was a disaster. It tasted horrid. It was hard, dense...yucky. I cringe thinking of my delicious honey that I wasted. She said my yeast may have been bad... or maybe it was the yogurt I used... I think it was just me!!!

I haven't started making my own yogurt or buttermilk yet and wonder if the organic stuff I bought was not the same quality as my friends homemade ingrediants. Plus I didn't grind my own wheat, as she does. Hers is yummy, mine yucky.

So off to an Amish bulk foods store to get wheat, maybe even seed to grind myself. For some crazy reason, I thought this would be a simple task. Go in, buy wheat. What a foolish woman I am. I had no clue there were different wheats for every bakery need. Bread uses one type, pancakes another, rolls another, biscuits.... oh goodness the list goes on. The Amish may live simply, but their wheat selection is anything but simple... below is what I found...

Bronze Chief Kernels, Montana Best Red Wheat, prairie Gold (86) Kernels, Montana's Best White Wheat, Spring Wheat Kernels, Rice Wheat - White, Brown, Basmati, and wild rice, Whole Cleaned White Hominy, 7 Grain Mix, 7 Grain mix - rolled/flaked, 9-Grain mix, Spelt/Flur, Kamut, Millet, Bulgur Wheat, Cracked Wheat Coarse, Wheat Bran, Wheat Germ, Wheat Gluten, Steel-cut Oats, Oat Groats, Oat Bran, Amaranth Grain, Amaranth Flour, Buckwheat Flour, Potato Flour, Brown Rice Flour, White Rice Flour, Sorghum flour, Teff whole grain, Tapioca Flour, Quinoa Flour, Soy Flour, Spelt Flour, Oat Flour

There are soft winter wheats, hard white wheats, soft red winter wheats, hard red winter wheats.

And they say computer programming is hard. Ha.... trying going to an Amish Bulk food store and asking for wheat....

So I am back home, with my list of wheats to research, so the next time I visit my Amish store, I won't look like a mom who should give up and feed her kids at the nearest fast food stop. To minimize my embarassment, I left with a simple bag of oats, some butter and fresh yeast.

Really, truly, is there no such thing as an all purpose whole wheat? Do I really need one for every type of food?

If today's bread flops as bad as my last batch... I may just start shopping the Amish store for their ready made breads... and say that is close enough to non-processed. Surely women who know what all those wheats are used for... are making something close enough... right? Tell me I am right!!! They had some breads that looked pretty good right there at the check out.

Or better yet, give me a truly easy bread recipe where I won't be forced to cry over my lost honey.... I have all the door stops I need, several backups... and am starting to save them for Christmas gifts. Anyone out there need a bread shaped door stop? Somehow, I doubt there is a market....

And now I sit here letting my bread cool before attempting to slice... wondering... how did my grandmother get away with that one big barral of wheat, which she ground, I sifted, she re-ground, and made cakes, biscuits, breads... virtually everything with. Did she know something the Amish don't... or is this some conspiracy to keep the economy strong by convincing 99% of the public that we just are not suited at all to true home cooking... Why didn't I pay attention to my Grandmothers and their amazing cooking skills.... why ask why...

Displaying my Wheat ignorance.... been there... done that... what now?

Blaming my inabilities on conspiracies... been there... love doing that...

Who can make a recorder fly? Psycho Mom

Just sitting here remembering some of my "psycho mom" days. Bet I could write a book to rival "You know you're a RedNeck if????" Mine would just be, "You know you're a psycho Mom if....."

For instance, I use to drive my kids to school and pick them up. Going to school was fine, they were still half asleep. Coming home was a mess. they were hiped up after being kept at desks all day, anxious to get home and play with friends, and overall, loud, crazy, out of control kids. Most times, we would turn the radio up and sing. But once again, even if five are being great, one will always, always be out of control.

Now please picture... one son, Ducky, excited about his upcoming 4th grade recital where he has a "recorder" solo. He keeps getting the recorder out and blowing it in the van. I keep telling him to put it up. He puts it up, but only for a minute, and then "BLAAAAAAWWWAAAAMMM", it is shreaking in the VAN.

Now a good mom, a non psycho mom, would encourage his practice, even in the crowded van. But Ducky doesn't have that mom, he has me. And I was exhausted, my head was splitting and lets face it, Ducky was not the greatest musician. That was not music coming out of that thing, it was psycho Mom inducing noise.

Finally I lose it and make some threat... I don't even remember the threat now but it started with, "if you blows that recorder one more time". He puts it up and we turn on a country road. One side is a river, the other an open farm field. Suddenly I hear Blonde and Spanky screaming. Seems Ducky is no longer blowing his recorder, he is wacking the other kids with it. I have him pass it forward. Ducky starts a major meltdown, screaming at me that this is "HIS" recorder and I have no right to remove it from his possession. He starts kicking the back of the seat in front of him and screaming in this horrid pitch, far worse than his recorder practicing. Yes my adorable children can be brats.

I warn him that if he does not stop, I won't give the recorder back and he won't be able to be in his concert. He screams louder. Stopping only to tell his Daddy won't let him miss his concert and Daddy is the family boss and I have to submit to Daddy's authority. No kidding. Little creep child of mine. The thing is, I do believe there is one leader of the home and Daddy is our family leader. But Daddy does not order Mrs. Mommy around.... He leads, he does not control.

I tell him one more word, one more sound, and that recorder is going to fly out the window. He proceeds to not only yell louder, but smack and kick at the other kids. I push the down button.... he screams louder still. I take the recorder, look at him in the rearview mirror, and throw it with all my might. It flew so beautifully and landed in the field, close to a electric pole. I kept on truckin..... Wow it felt good.

Dead silence.... not one word.... not one sound.

We get home. Ducky stomps in and tells his dad what happened. Dad understands me losing it, feels I was 100% justified in what I did, but also states it is not fair to the other students if Ducky is not there to perform his piece of the program. FINE. I hate logic, truly I do. Submit nothing, the man was right, I was wrong. Ducky was right, Dad would logically take his side. I hate logic.

So we drive down the long country road.... I thought I remembered where I threw it. I walked that road, looking. Problem was, I didn't know how far I threw it. We looked until dark, Dad driving the van beside me, all the kids inside shouting advice on where to look, I could not find that stinkin recorder.

Now I have to ask his teacher to let me buy a new one. They were only 6.00 so it wasn't that big a deal. But I am mad at myself for going psycho. Mad at Ducky for always challenging me.

The next morning, I send a note to school with 6.00, simply stating Ducky needs a new recorder.

When I get to school that afternoon to pick up the children, Ducky comes out with a note asking me to please come talk to his teacher. I am imagining all kinds of trouble. Ducky was always in trouble it seemed. I quiz him all the way to the classroom. "What happened today?" "Why does your teacher want to see me? What did you do?"

She sends Ducky to another room and proceeds to ask me, "I need to know, actually we all need to know. Did you really send that recorder flying out the window of your van?"

Oh the shame. Oh the humility. I had to be every color of red. It is bad enough when you feel guilty for going psycho. It is worse when you get called to task by a teacher. I am a Christian Mom. Christian Mom's are not suppose to lose it like this..... I was humiliated.

I don't even get the words out.... I guess my face said it all. She takes off out of the classroom, calls all the other fourth and fifth grade teachers in and states, in complete and total glee, "She did it, she really did it. He was telling the truth".

I try to explain, but they are all laughing so hard. Then one tells me that they dream of doing things like that... of just losing it and throwing something out the window. Just doing something so "out there" that it shocks the kids into silence. But none of them could believe nice, calm, Mrs. Mommy would ever lose it like that. Oh how those women laughed.... (and Oh how they have misjudged me if they think I never turn into a psycho mom).

Unfortunately, they don't have any 6.00 recorders left. I have to go to a music store and pay almost 20.00. Oh now I am really mad at myself.

We head back down that river road... get close to the place where I lost it... and I hear this voice from her little car seat behind me, that cute little toddler voice, "That's where my Mommy threw Ducky's recorder. She just threw it out. She littered.... she really did.... I am not joking".

Yes to this day, when we drive down that road... and all the kids chant, "Remember that day mom lost it and threw Ducky's recorder out the window". Sometimes they say, "Dad, stop the van, I think I see Ducky's recorder. Remember, the one Mom threw out the window". And another cute one, "Hey Mom, do you think the farmer found that recorder when he harvested his crop?"

I can see it 20 years from now, my kids driving their own children down that road saying, "Once your grandmother took Ducky's recorder and tossed it out the window on this very road.".

The only real good thing to come of this, other than laughter at my expense... has been a very effective threat. When we are in the Van, and I am sick to death of the noise, the fighting, the touching, the breathing of each others air (yeah that's another story itself).... all I have to do is say, "Do I really need to put the window down". They get the picture. No one wants that psycho Mom in such a small confined area as a van. Who knows what she might throw out.

Turning a musical recorder into a flying machine.... been there.... done that.... What now?

She Woman Sock hater club

OK, I hate to match socks. I don't mind folding. I don't mind hanging. I can even iron if forced. But I hate to match socks. So I have a sock bin. We fill it, putting away all other laundry, then dig thru it each day... and finally, once a week or so, dump it in the center of the floor and dig thru it, matching socks. We all join in and get it finished in about 20 minutes... so why do I avoid those stinkin socks? Cleaning toliets, preferable to matching socks.

Just take a minute and think... 8 of us, times one pair of socks a day, would be over 100 socks. But we don't stop with one pair. We do sports... We play in creeks, we take showers, put on new socks.... probably we average 2-3 pair a day, per person. So that plastic sock bin contains a mountain of socks.

I hate socks.

I love sandal weather. Better yet, barefoot weather. My parents had a rule, no going barefoot until May 1. Mom said I would start begging in March!!! My own rule, any weather that has not been proven to cause frostbite... is barefoot weather. So my kids (me too actually) have been out bare footed for quite some time now.

We had a housekeeper once, back when we had five children. I worked full time, and our salaries were double what they are today. Most of the kids were still in diapers so we justified paying a friend to do some housework. She came once a week. She was awesome. She would work for 6 hours and would clean and do laundry. She even built me a laundry room organization system that was awesome. Her only complaint.... socks.... I just cannot stress how awful our sock situation is. It even got to this awesome lady and few things ever seemed to get to her.

My kids could be a commercial for "save the poor children". Standing in the cold in their dirty bare feet. In reality they have tons of shoes....They also have tons of socks.... but their Mom hates to match their socks!!!

Yet another thing I love about living out in rural America... other parents let their kids go barefoot too. Kids are allowed to be kids. Their toes have scabs from riding bikes barefooted. Not only are there no helmets on these kids... there are no shoes, thus no socks. Their legs have scratches from running thru brair patches. Their hair is windblown. And their faces are full of smiles if you did deep enough under the dirt.

So far today, three kids have left on their bicycles. Out to ride around with friends. No video games. No sitting with the rectangular babysitter. We also had one fight... over already... one crying teen... (girls are so mean. She called me names... she made fun of my clothes and my hair and and and and and). She is over it now and off on bikes with a different friend, but for a while there, it was pure drama in motion.

And mom has a few minutes to reflect on that last big bin of socks for the season (as of May 1, the school says kids can wear sandals!!! NO SOCKS) sitting in front of her... I think they can wait a few more days... after all, it is barefoot season, sandal season... who needs socks anyway. Maybe it can wait until fall... And I usually buy a new supply of socks for school... maybe I can use this bin full to start a bonfire and burn the brush we have been gathering... Oh now that thought brought a smile.

Avoiding matching socks... been there... done that.... wondering why one child, out of six, couldn't enjoy matching socks for a weekly chore.... oh well.